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(1818—1885)

U.S. humorist

Nature never makes any blunders; when she makes a fool she means it.

(1818—1885)

U.S. humorist

Remember the poor--it costs nothing.

(1818—1885)

U.S. humorist

Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job.

(1818—1885)

U.S. humorist

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared and that is twins.

(1818—1885), The Complete Works of Josh Billings, 1919

Don't borrow or lend, but if you must do one, lend.

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.

U.S. humorist

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

U.S. humorist

My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey through life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.

(1919—1885)

U.S. humorist

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

U.S. authorscreenwriter

New Yorkers are nice about giving you street directions; in fact, they seem quite proud of knowing where they are themselves.