C

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

(February 1, 1963)

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist--the taxidermist leaves the hide.

If Senator Donovan can get resurrection into the death penalty, I might be willing to give it a second look.

(1899—1973)

English playrightactor

Bed is the perfect climate.

(1899—1973)

English playrightactor

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

(1899—1973)

English playwrightactor

Women should be struck regularly--like gongs.

U.S. comedian

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women.

(1908—1999)

English writer

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908—1999)

English writer

The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy.