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(1917--)

U.S. comedienne

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

(1917--)

U.S. comedienne

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

(1917--), U. S. comedienne

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

U.S. comedienne

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

If I rest, I rust.

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.

(1864—1916), war correspondent & author

No civilized person ever goes to bed the same day he gets up.

What keeps people apart is their inability to get together.

(1913—1995), Canadian playwrightnovelist

A dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man.

(1921—2004)

U.S. comedian and actor

I have three children--one of each.