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Ward Hoffman, San Francisco Chronicle, 1982

God created women because He couldn't teach sheep how to type.

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ward off

[ward off] {v. phr.} To deflect; avert. * /Vitamin C is known to ward off the common cold./ A Dictionary of American Idioms

you can't teach an old dog new tricks

[you can't teach an old dog new tricks] It is very hard or almost impossible to train an older person to acquire some new skill. - A proverb. * /You'll […] A Dictionary of American Idioms

black sheep

[black sheep] {n.} A person in a family or a community considered unsatisfactory or disgraceful. * /My brother Ted is a high school dropout who joined a circus; he is […] A Dictionary of American Idioms

sheep

[sheep] See: [WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING]. A Dictionary of American Idioms

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Duncan Spaeth, Princeton professor

I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.

come to the point

[come to the point] or [get to the point] {v. phr.} To talk about the important thing; reach the important facts of the […]

strike one funny

[strike one funny] {v. phr.} To appear or seem laughable, curious, ironic, or entertaining. * /"It strikes me funny," he […]