K

U.S. politician

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

(1889—1949)

British biographerpoet

Friends are God's apology for relatives.

(1922—1969)

U.S. writer

I'm a Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death.

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.

(1923-- )

U.S. playwright

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

(1923--)

U.S. playwright

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

(1923--)

U.S. playwright

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want--an adorable pancreas?

(1923--)

U.S. playwright, in Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

U.S. president

Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

(1795—1821)

English poet

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.