M

(1858—1932), physicianhumorist

Better a bald head than no head at all.

(1858—1932), physicianhumorist

Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food.

(1945--)

U.S. entertainer

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.

U.S. humorist

I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach.

Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma.

(1867—1928), "Disenchantment"

War hath no fury like a noncombatant.

Laws are spider webs through which big flies pass and little ones get caught.

There is nothing more annoying than seeing how a well-said word dies in the ear of the fool to whom you said it.

Most lawyers are swine. And not even nice swine.