R

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.

(1880—1973)

U.S. politician

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Nuclear physics is much easier than tax law. It's rational and always works the same way.

U.S. activist

No one should have to dance backwards all their lives.

(1939--)

U.S. comedienne

I once dated a guy who was so dumb he could not count to twenty-one unless he was naked.

(1939--)

U.S. comedienne

Never floss with a stranger.

(1939--) U.S. comedienne

Omaha is a little like Newark--without Newark's glamour.

(1939--), quoted in Robert Byrne's The 637 Best Things Ever Written

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Miscellaneous is always the largest category.