W

(1952--)

U.S. actor

God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

U.S. comedian

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

(1920--)

U.S. actress

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

(1920--)

U.S. actress

Where do you go to get anorexia?

(1920--), US movie actress

We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1568—1639)

English poet

An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for his country.

(1955--)

U.S. comedian

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

(1955--)

U.S. comedian

I spilled spot remover on my dog--and now he's gone.

Omni, 1984

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?